Week 3 - I heart Corinne



Okay, so I had this thing this week, it’s called a life, and basically, I forgot to write the recap, so here is my attempt at a short and sweet version.


Rose Ceremony and Cocktail hour: At the end of the last episode, Nick sent Liz home and confessed to the other ladies on the date that he and Liz had a past. Unsurprisingly, that is all the house can talk about the next day. At the cocktail party and rose ceremony, Nick once again tells the girls that he slept with Liz and the entire cocktail party revolves around every single girl feeling the need to “address” how they feel about the situation. Nick must have been exhausted. Of all the dalliances Nick has had in his life, I am absolutely certain that Liz is the one he regrets the most. For no other reason than he had to rehash it over, and over, and over, and over for what felt like eternity. And then, like a shining beacon of crazy, it’s Corinne’s turn to “steal Nick” away from the party. Corinne already has a rose from the previous group date, but because she is determined to get her man, and make every girl in the house hate her in the process, she dresses in a trench coat, and little else. She leads Nick into the driveway… yes, the driveway… where she uses a make shift bed, whip cream and no shame to attempt to get Nick to sleep with her. Literally. That’s what she wants. Oh baby, right here, right now, with all the cameras and millions of viewers. I think her nanny needs to put her in timeout. That’s right… she has a nanny. Have we talked about this? Maybe I have been blocking it out, because it sounds SO ridiculous when I say it. This grown woman, who claims to run her families multi-million dollar company, has a nanny. Who cares for her, and makes her beds and apparently is famous for “cheese noodles” which I think is just Mac n Cheese…  I. JUST. CAN’T.


Anyway, after partaking in some creepy leering and making out, Nick makes the wise decision to NOT sleep with Corrine tonight. Jasmine (I know there are two, but this is the only one I can recognize by sight) – I think she is Jasmine G… arrives in the driveway to spoil Corinne’s fun and take Nick away. Truth be told, Nick looks visibly relieved. Corinne is inexplicably devastated. Apparently, because Nick did not jump at the chance to sleep with her, she believes her time with him was a disaster. OH SWEETIE. It makes me sad that she measures her value on the immediacy on which someone will sleep with… and just as I am starting to feel bad for her, she decides to skip the rest of the evening, INCLUDING the Rose Ceremony, and go to sleep. DEAR GOD. IT is AMAZING. NO ONE, in the history of the franchise has EVER just SKIPPED a Rose Ceremony. The entire cast including Nick are flummoxed. It is glorious and self-centered and ridiculous (which is everything you need for a perfect reality show character). This girl is the saddest yet most hilarious and most fabulous piece of TV gold the franchise has seen in years. The whole house hates her. I am sure Nick wants to get rid of her, but producers are all “Hell No. She stays. She is the whole reason people will tune in after they figure out you really are just trying to get to know these girls and find a wife… we need her”. Alas, she already has a rose anyway, so it is Elizabeth, Hailey and Lacey who are sent packing… I have absolutely NO idea who any of them are.


Group Date #1: Corinne, Jasmine, Taylor, Danielle L., and some other girls I don’t know are the lucky selected who will get to participate in the single greatest date in the history of The Bachelor (including all international spin offs). The ladies get to learn choreography and then dance, ON STAGE, during a live performance with the freaking BACKSTREET BOYS. Now listen, I get that the BSB are not the New Kids on the Block, and that the NKOTB are CLEARLY a far superior boy band… but the BSB is still pretty amazing, and getting to dance with them is awesome. Jasmine is clearly the favorite going into the date, given that she is a former DCC (that’s Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, for the uninitiated). Corinne is “not good at planned dancing” so she pouts the whole time. Um, I’m sorry? “Planned Dancing”? OH! Choreography! You guys, she means Choreography… sweet Jesus. PLANNED. DANCING.


The BSB’s select a “winner” from the group. As the winner, Danielle L and Nick get to enjoy a romantic slow dance to the musical stylings of the BSB, in front of 500 people and the rest of the ladies. They even make out a little, much to the dismay of the “ladies” and the delight of the rest of us. My goodness, Nick just has NO shame in swapping spit and just doesn’t care to hide it. It’s bold, but once girls start to get really serious about him, it’s going to get him in trouble. As it is, the whole date ends SUPER awkwardly as Nick gives the rose to Danielle L.


Solo Date – Vanessa. I tell you this now. If I could, I would bet a million dollars on Vanessa winning the final rose. She will be Nick’s wife. How do I know? WELL… for their date, Nick and Vanessa get to take a flight on a Zero G plane. Basically, this plane can maneuver through the air and create a zero gravity environment inside its cabin. It looks like they are both having a blast… until… Vanessa suffers from a huge bout of motion sickness and, apparently, vomits several times. Here is the part that makes me know she wins… in between vomit bags… NICK KEEPS KISSING HER. I almost vomit. Several times. Listen, after my hubby voms (for any reason), it’s pretty much assumed I will not be kissing him for at least three days. Nick must REALLY like her. Nick once again spent the evening at dinner, actually trying to get to know Vanessa. I love him. There was lots of crying on the date… almost exclusively by Nick… so that puts me off him a little. But at least he seems to be doing this in earnest.


Group date #2: Rachel, Dominque, Astrid, and some other girls I don’t remember. The girls, with the support and guidance of Olympic legends Carl Lewis, Michelle Carter, and Allyson Felix will be competing in a “Nickathalon”. Astrid’s um, assets are ALL OVER the place. Bless her heart though, she knows it and tells the camera “I wish someone would have told me I needed more support for this date!” Okay, I now heart Astrid too. The ladies compete in Long Jump, High Jump, Javelin Throw, and the 100 yard dash. Our guest Olympians tally the points and, taking into account observed chemistry with Nick, select three finalists for the final event, the 100 yard dash. Rachel, Astrid, and…Alexis, maybe? Race down the track, the lady to take possession of the oversized crystal engagement ring gets to enjoy a little one on one time with Nick in the hot tub. Rachel and maybe Alexis both are moving so fast, they completely over shoot the prize and Astrid bounces down the track to nab the big ring and some alone time with her man. Dominique whom we have seen very little of, is suddenly complaining that Nick isn’t giving her a fair chance. Maybe she is wrong, maybe she is right, we will never know, b/c the minute she sits down with Nick, she calls him out. “You don’t try as hard with me as the other girls”. Nick’s response, “you are probably right, it’s probably best if you go home”. BOOM. Ole Boy is NOT messing around today!


I am 100% sure someone got a rose on this date. No idea who. Rachel? Astrid? No clue.


POOL PARTY!!! Nick has decided to extend his time with the ladies today, instead of a cocktail party tonight, they are having an all day POOL PARTY!! Squeee!!! Corinne, determined to redeem her perceived deficit with Nick convinces the Bachelor production interns to blow up a princess bouncy house in the driveway. As the other girls hang out with Nick and each other, Corinne lures him away, into the bounce house where she once again tries to wriggle her way into his pants. The girls all look on, not even trying to hide their disdain anymore. When Nick returns, the “Corrine is the worst and you need to send her home” parade begins. Raven even has the nerve to mention Corinne’s Nanny. Nick is clearly blindsided by this revelation. I hope to hear more of his reaction in the next episode.


This episode, however, fades to black with Vanessa challenging Nick on Corinne. “Are you here to play around, or are you here to find a wife and partner?”


And there you have it friends! Episode 3 is in the can. On a typical season, a hard rule on the Bachelor is to NEVER talk to the Bachelor about one of the other women… in this case though, with Vanessa leading the charge, I am pretty sure Corinne’s days are numbered.


Tune in tonight to find out!!

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